The Best is Yet to Come

How often do you find yourself with the "if only"s?

There are a lot of things that trigger mine. Recently, the power ball reached up to something way over $600M, and I saw much evidence of the "if only". (Personally, I think $600M would be way too much to win but it somehow got me thinking along the subject of "how much would be the right amount?")

Maybe you live somewhere where the real estate market is much more reasonable than where I live, but HGTV sure gets my "if only" going. Forget granite countertops and gleaming hardwood floors, how about something, anything that I can afford to start building equity?

Drool...

If you're single, you can probably best relate to my biggest "if only" - the longing to have someone to share life with, and many of the other "benefits" that are attached to that. When I was younger, I used to tell myself it was only a matter of time until I found someone. After all, most people get married, right? As time has moved on, though, I've realized two things: 1) the pool of eligible men is shrinking up, plus I'm just really picky about who I would be willing to spend the rest of my life with, so it's probably not happening. And 2) Marriage and relationships are not a magic bullet. I know some people who have really, really good marriages. And they do not solve all that ails the heart.

Well that's depressing.

Except...

The best is yet to come.

As CS Lewis wrote in Mere Christianity (emphasis mine):

Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing.

I've started to find that the moments where I am drawn to the fact that I feel like I'm missing out are actually a gift. Yes, all is not as it is meant to be. But in understanding that, I am pointed to a deeper reality --- that all WILL eventually be as it is meant to be. That desire or that longing is a reminder of the hope that I have in Christ.

I am a strong believer that we choose where we put our focus and our thoughts. And we can choose to wallow in the losses and the disappointments in our lives, or we can choose to ruminate on the reality of all the promises of Christ in the gospel. We have right now an imperfect experience of our relationship with God, but there is a day coming when we will experience that relationship perfectly. And all our earthly longings ultimate point to things that will be fulfilled when we realize that relationship in its truest sense.

So the next time you find yourself longing for something, remind yourself of that deep truth of the gospel:

The best is yet to come.

I'm Not Awesome

"When it comes to righteousness, you are an incompetent noob, but if you'll get your eyes up, everything changes."

- Matt Chandler, Women's Redemption

Sometimes I feel like we're all living in the Lego Movie. We have conversations with everyone, and we're all fine, and life on Instagram and Facebook is awesome. #lovinglife #blessed (Presumably SnapChat, too, but I'm not cool enough to have SnapChat.)

I'm just going to immediately rip the cover off of all of that because I'm rarely ever "fine." Fine is kind of a terrible word, don't you think? There are moments where I am really happy or content or thankful. And there are moments where I am stressed out, frustrated or just generally disappointed with life.

The thing about what we've all been told about the Christian life is that we have Jesus, and that makes everything okay. If you're not happy, then you just need to "order your loves" and then you'll remember that you have lasting hope and joy and then what could you possibly have to be stressed about?

Now I have to be careful, because I really, genuinely believe that there is a lasting, solid hope and joy because of what Christ accomplished for us on the cross. I believe that my relationship with God is secure, and that means there is a certain hope that the best things are still yet to come. And they are guaranteed and solid.

But here's the thing: I'm not awesome.

I'm still a sinner.

As a Christian, I took on Christ's perfect record when he saved me. However, as a Christian, I am still growing in the reality of how that spotless record works in my life, and I won't experience the fullness of that reality until I reach heaven.

I haven't had a lot of patience for myself in this, and I was lamenting to a friend about how broken I was that I couldn't just stop stressing about something because I felt like I should not stress about anything because, you know, Jesus makes everything better.

And she spoke the most comforting words to me: "Me too."

And I realized that we're all going around showing the world that we're awesome when nobody actually has it together.

So, first: stop pretending you're awesome when you're not. Stop trying to pretend it to yourself. Stop trying to project a perfect life. Not that everyone needs to know the deepest wounds of your soul, but I think we all just keep perpetuating this veneer that we have it all together when we would collectively be much better off if there was space to be imperfect.

Second: I started with the Matt Chandler quote because as I've gone through this week really wrestling with what all of this looks like, that line keeps popping into my head. I think about my stress, my brokenness, my sinfulness, my desire to have it all together, my failure to live out the reality of who I know I am in Christ.

THAT's my problem. It's all about me.

I need to get my eyes up.

Galatians 5:16 tells us that if we walk by the Spirit, we will not gratify the desires of the flesh. Paul then goes on to describe a life that reflects the desires of the flesh juxtaposed against a life that reflects the desires of the Spirit. In verse 25, he reminds us that "if we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step by the Spirit."

I must admit that with my strongly Bapt-"ish" background, I was a little confused on the mechanics of all this Spirit business. So I turned to Romans 8 for a little help. Verses 5 and 6 say "For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace."

Get your eyes up.

I was having a rough day the other day. Work politics. Frustration. My ever-present struggle with the idolatry of work and success. I had gone to the gym for a boxing workout and punching stuff helped me temporarily, but then I felt it all coming back. And I sat down and dug into the commentary on John that I've been reading... and an hour later I realized that I'd just completely forgotten about all of it.

I got my eyes up.

Now not everyone will find DA Carson's commentary on John quite as riveting as I do, but there are so many other ways that we can just stop and get our eyes up. Worship. Reading the Bible. Immersing ourselves in other things that are going to grow our love for Jesus. Talking to Christian friends... not about our ever-present struggles, but about hope and grace and love.

We need to keep getting our eyes up.

A Tale of Two Idolatries

If you've been single for any length of time, you've no doubt been "educated" on the fact that marriage can be an idol and that "you should really find your contentment in Jesus."

We've all heard this so many times, in fact, that we start to take pride enjoying singleness. In a spirit of full disclosure, I will share some of the things that I myself have thought in my own appreciation for my singleness, to see if some of them may resonate with you.

• I'm sorry your kids woke you up at 5 a.m. during daylight savings time. I loved my extra hour of sleep.
• I'm going to take a spa day, just because I can.
• You have to check with your husband to see if you can come out with us? I don't have to check with anyone!
• I want those shoes and I don't have to check with anyone about whether I'm going to buy them.

As it turns out, marriage isn't the only idol that crops up on the singleness--marriage continuum.

When I express appreciation for my singleness, most people think it's admirable and that I'm living out 1 Corinthians 7:8 where Paul says "To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am." And it's so tempting to just pat myself on the back and smile with self-righteousness and say, "yes, I'm so godly."

But the truth is that I've actually made an idol of singleness.

People who like to quote Paul in 1 Corinthians 7 are often missing the broader context of the passage. Yes, Paul does say that it's good to be single. He also says it's good to remain married. He redeems singleness in a culture where marriage and family were the main paths to esteem and honor. He also takes everyone up a level and basically affirms the truth that your marital status is not what's important.

Whether single, married, or somewhere on the path between, our ultimate aim in life is to glorify God, by being satisfied in him as we grow in relationship to him. The new church in Corinth was aware that everything changed in light of the gospel and were trying to figure out whether they should stop being married or get married (in many cases, it would appear from the text, to leave behind a sinful lifestyle perhaps). Paul stepped in and said, "this isn't what matters. Where you are is fine. Don't seek to change it because of this new revelation of the gospel." (note that the quotes here do not refer to something Paul says verbatim)

So bringing this back around to the idol of singleness. I would posit that glorifying God and growing in relationship with him can come through either being single or being married. And I would further suggest that it's not up to me to decide how God is going to work that out in my life. When I choose singleness because of selfish reasons, I am not as open to God working out another plan for my life. (Not that he can't get around it, but it brings me much more joy when I'm not wrestling him at every step.) And when I seek marriage because of selfish reasons, I am destined for disappointment (and may make foolish decisions).

So what might be some bad reasons to stay single?

• Fear. Ooh. Guilty. Relationships are scary. Rejection is scary. Opening myself up to someone else is terrifying. But guess what, self: your hope is in Christ; he is in control; you have nothing to be afraid of.
• Selfishness. I try really, really hard to fight this one, but it lies deep. When Paul said that it is better to be single, he was referencing the fact that it would better allow you to pour your life out in service to others. If you're quoting Paul's verse on singleness, are you also seeking to live this out? Are you serving as much as possible in the church? Are you supporting your friends who have families by playing with their children? Are you pouring yourself out to mentor those who are younger than you? Are you giving away your extra discretionary income that isn't going into daycare and diapers? I know I can't say "yes" to all of these, and so there's a part of me that knows it's just so much easier to be single.
• Being too picky. There are things that we should absolutely not settle on. You will find yourself with no small amount of heartache if you choose to build a life with someone who does not love Jesus and does not understand grace. However, we can all be really shallow. (I've already blogged about this... twice...) If we are staying single because we can't find someone who meets our "shallow" requirements, I think this is actually a problem. (But I won't discuss further in this post.) Furthermore, though, we have to recognize that we are going to marry a sinful person, just like our spouse will also marry a sinful person. What matters is not finding someone who is perfect, but finding someone who is growing in grace and wisdom and is in the process of being perfected. 

In complete honesty, I'm still working through how to handle all of the above. I only gave the "fear" paragraph three lines (in my browser), but it's occupied pages and pages in my journal. I immediately tanked things, intentionally, with the last guy that I met who was "of an appropriate age" and loved Jesus because of fear. And where I keep coming back to in my heart is that if Jesus is enough for me in my singleness, he can be enough for me as I move forward in a relationship, he can be enough for me if a relationship doesn't work out and he can be enough for me if it does. What matters is not my relationship status, but that I'm walking with an open hand to what God wants to give me and what God wants to take away from me.

I don't have that selfishness thing down either. I try. I do. But I'm not there. We must be constantly vigilant about where selfishness is cropping up in our lives.

And the thing about being too picky... Just read my previous posts:

• Are We Shallow?
• Are We Shallow? Part Two

When Sexual Purity Becomes an Idol

If you grew up in youth group in my generation, you were likely exposed to the Christian sub-culture movement "True Love Waits". It was a powerful message than ran counter to the sexual ethic of the "rest of society".

True Love Waits had a simple premise: pledge to wait until you are married to have sex. But around this simple premise grew a whole industry as authors and musicians and Christian-trinket-makers got on board with the movement. If you signed a pledge card, there were rings you could wear to show your commitment. Artists wrote songs about waiting. (One of my favorites was Maybe Tomorrow by Nouveaux. I think Rebecca St. James had a whole album about it, but I never really got into her music.) And then there were the endless books and stories of the beautiful love stories that resulted from couples who waited on God and prayed for their spouses and were blessed with beautiful marriages.

It was never explicitly promised - that you would have a great sex life and a great marriage if you just followed the sex rules, but all of the motivation seemed to be oriented around that premise.

Fast forward. I think it's been 23 years since I signed my first purity pledge card. I'm not married. That "promise" hasn't materialized for me. Even more than that, it hasn't been a perfect cake walk of that naive exuberance I had when I was 12. I've stayed "pure" but I've endured my fair share of disappointments and heartaches in the relationship realm. I am not the unsullied bright-eyed teenager who asked her parents for a purity ring, even if I've avoided all the things that I was supposed to avoid.

Sex sermons today have come a long way from what they were when I was in youth group. I'm incredibly appreciative for how my pastors in particular handle the topic in a way that balances grace and truth.

It becomes a hard topic to listen to, though, because I feel myself just saying "yeah, yeah, I know all this... but I still got hurt. This may be wise, but it doesn't keep us safe."

A few things that I must preach to myself as I find myself going to that destructive place in my mind:

1. If our "purity" is motivated by a desire to get something in particular, we are not walking in obedience, but are instead attempting to put God in our debt through obedience. This is the equivalent of making purity an idol. In Greek society, people would sacrifice to Athena if they wanted wisdom or to win a war, or to Artemis if they wanted good favor with hunting, or to other gods to curry their favor. Their sacrifices were less about honoring the gods they sacrificed to, and more about seeking after what those gods could provide. We do the same thing when our obedience is motivated by a desire to get anything. And when we find ourselves frustrated that things haven't panned out a certain way because of what we've done, this can be a good indication that we are motivated by the wrong thing. (Very important side note: I would argue this is the case for a lot of our good behavior, and there is so, so much grace for this.)
2. We can't avoid getting hurt. CS Lewis writes that "God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world." If we make the efforts to complete avoid all pain, we also shut off that important aspect of a growing, thriving relationship with God where those moments that bring us the most hurt are also moments that provide the most opportunity for growth. This is a hard truth to swallow, but I'm glad that there is not a set of rules I can follow to do everything perfect and avoid getting hurt, because this same set of rules would leave me a hollow version of who I am.
3. Finally... I looked back on those painful memories that I would have hoped to avoid. And in those memories, I am actually really glad for a commitment to sexual purity, because if any of those situations would have had a complicating physical factor, the degree of pain would have increased exponentially. I had been framing those memories in this way: I tried to do everything not to get hurt, and I still got hurt, despite following "the rules." But there's another way to frame them: how much additional hurt did I avoid by walking in obedience in that area?

Our pastor preached on sex this morning, and I found myself going to all those places. But above it all, I am so thankful that my salvation rests not on my ability to follow the rules, but because there was One who followed the rules, and the spirit of the rules, perfectly, and imputed his righteousness to me. I am so thankful that my hope rests not on trying to obey the right rules for the right reasons, but on one who accomplished it all for me.

Choosing Joy, Choosing Gratitude

When you are single, there is a constant unending stream of opportunities to feel bad about your "status in life."

See a couple in front of you holding hands? I have no one to hold hands with.
Wedding invite? No one will ever love me that way.
New baby being born? I will probably never have kids. I'm going to die without anyone to visit me in the old folks home.
Instagram / Facebook date nights and Man Crush Monday? Everyone else is totally in love and has the perfect life.

If you're paying attention, there is barely a moment that goes by that doesn't remind us that we are all alone in the world. :'(

Someone sent me a blog a few weeks ago, and as I started reading it, I was amazed at how well the blogger described singleness and the challenges of singleness. The circumstances of his singleness are very different than the circumstances of my singleness, but I found myself just eating up how well he described the frustration of it all.

Until I realized how depressing that is.

Every moment we are faced with an opportunity to be discouraged. Life does not have a shortage on disappointments and challenges. And we are "wronged" constantly. If you don't believe me, just go to a busy street and try to cross at a crosswalk.

(First World Problems)

If you want to be a victim and feel like the world has wronged you, you will always have some sort of "proof" to justify this position.

But isn't that kind of miserable?

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready for work in the gym and surrounded by mirrors at every angle. (Side note: why do gyms have mirrors everywhere AND terrible lighting?!?) I caught a glimpse of my less-than-skinny arms in the mirror and just cringed. "I hate my body" just slipped into my mind accompanied by a deep sigh of frustration.

And then I caught it.

Wait a minute.

I had just finished my workout where my trainer put me through the rigor of throwing things and lifting things and oh-so-many of the dreaded planks and squats and lunges. My body is strong, and injury free, and so I am in the process of getting stronger. I have two strong legs that can walk wherever my feet will take me. And run, too. Even a full 27.2 miles once (26.2 for the marathon and another mile for running around people)... And I decided I hated it because my arms didn't look how I wanted them to?!?

I made a different decision in that moment: gratitude.

I started a list of things that I was thankful for about my body. Things like what I referenced above: that I was free of injuries and that it allowed me to run and walk. Shallow things like the definition of my calf muscles and the fact that my ears don't stick out.

We are constantly talking to ourselves, and WE are in control of what we say. We are in control of what we say in the moment and we are in control over what habits we allow to build about what we tell ourselves.

Paul addresses this reality when he tells the Corinthians to "take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ." (2 Cor. 10:5b NIV) He further expounds on this concept in the entire book of Philippians, which was written from prison, and yet is a book completely focused on joy. He sums the book up in Philippians 4:11, saying "Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content." The entire book of Philippians, in fact, gives us a blueprint for joy:

• Chapter 1: the gospel - living it and sharing it
• Chapter 2: community - dying to self
• Chapter 3: perspective - nothing matters but knowing Christ
• Chapter 4: decision - choosing where to focus our thoughts

As believers, we have more reason than anyone to choose joy and gratitude. We have an unwavering hope that the best is yet to come.

It sounds so easy, and yet it can be overwhelmingly hard. I definitely still struggle to choose joy and gratitude and find myself constantly going down a bad path. I hear myself telling myself terrible, discouraging messages on an all-too-frequent basis.

But. I will never end that cycle until I stop and choose joy.

Chin Up: Only Two Days to Go

It's February 13, which means that in two days, Valentine's Day will be out of sight until next Christmas and the chocolate will all be 50% off.

You can make it, I know you can.

In honor of being nearly finished with it all, here are some of my favorite Valentine's cards from someecards:

Quarrelsome and Fretful Not-a-Wife

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and fretful wife. Proverbs 21:21 (NIV)

In case you have romanticized the idea of living in a desert, here is a visual reference.

There is no shortage of areas for repentance and confession in my life on a daily basis. One of the really nice things about not being married, however, is that I can read passages like the one above and think "whew! There's one thing I don't need to worry about!"

That is what I thought.

Until my friend recommended the book "Accidental Feminist" by Courtney Reissig. This is not a book review (and is definitely not a paid endorsement!), but, side note, it was so good that I devoured the whole thing on a single coast-to-coast flight over Christmas.

One of the things that I really appreciated about the book was that she took biblical womanhood concepts and applied them across all stages of life: singleness, marriage and motherhood (with kids at home and out of the house). Basically, she showed me how it is possible for me to be a "quarrelsome and fretful wife" without actually being a wife.

And boy, did she show me. (insert nervous face emoji here)

Ladies. How many times have you been sitting around with your girlfriends and have something like the following conversation break out?

Girl #1: Yeah, things were going really well but then [he did something to disappoint me].

Girl #2: What do you expect? Christian men are the worst!

Girl #3: Men? You mean boys!

Girl #2: Yes, exactly. That always happens...

So maybe I'm not about to start writing screen plays, but you get the gist.

By having conversations like the one above, I am basically starting to practice at being a quarrelsome wife.

Now, the thing is, that in all likelihood, Christian men will disappoint us. They are sinners. We will disappoint them, too, because we're sinners. So we need to extend the same grace that Christ has extended to us on the cross. Matt Chandler covers this really well in his Beautiful Design series and I can't do it justice, so listen to him if you want more than that. (If you're a woman, here's a good one to start with: Woman's Purpose If you're a man, side note, this blog may be less applicable to you than some of my other posts, but I'll give you this at least: Man's Purpose. And also, would you like to guest blog sometime?)

When we focus on the ways we've been disappointed by men, or affirm the righteous indignation that our sisters are feeling, we are practicing to be quarrelsome and fretful wives. We are becoming experts in the weaknesses and failings of others, rather than celebrating and affirming their strengths.

So a few things I've been doing since I felt convicted about that.

1. When the conversation goes, as it so often does, in the direction of "oh men at my church are the worst," I've tried to gracefully suggest that we change the tone of the conversation. I've also tried to catch myself when I start to do it. Continuing that line of dialog isn't going to benefit anyone. Even when the facts laid out are actually true.
2. Rather than becoming an expert on the weaknesses of our brothers, even if only as it relates to how they treat us or our sisters, let's become champions of their strengths and affirm them in the ways they exhibit character and encourage them as they pursue our sisters.

I was sitting on an airplane with overpriced wifi when I felt so very convicted about the need to affirm my brothers. For five hours as I sat waiting for cell service to return, I kept mulling about what I could say and do to put it into practice, and the moment the plane touched the ground, I started typing out emails to some of the single men friends in my life. I encouraged them for character attributes I admired, for specific ways I had seen them serve sacrificially and for ways they had proactively reached out to organize events. It felt so awkward, and I had no idea how it would be received, but I figured I would start somewhere. 

And you know what? I'm going to keep doing it until it doesn't feel awkward anymore.

Life in 2017

My thermostat can be controlled in the following ways:

• Through my watch
• With my voice
• Through my phone directly, or indirectly (when I leave the house and it goes on "Eco") mode
• Through my sleep tracker (it gets cold while I sleep and warms up when I wake up)
• The old-fashioned way (by turning the dial)
• Etc.

I have two personal assistants: Alexa and Siri. Siri will dictate and send messages for me, and Alexa will DJ my parties. She even takes requests from my friends, although this is not always welcome (as was the case when my friend shouted "Alexa! Play Ray Boltz' Thank You! Alexa! Turn volume to 7!" Actually, let's be honest. That song is so touching. *tear*) They're both on hand when I need to know the time or the temperature.

We can now pay for purchases on our watches. No more fiddling through the purse for the wallet and fishing out the credit card. Just pull the watch up to the scanner and *voila!* (I haven't actually done this yet, but I assume. Seconds of my life saved.)

Technology is pretty incredible, and I'm sure this is just the tip of the iceberg. My company is big on innovation, so I've started experimenting with different technologies so I can understand how it works, and I think some of it is pretty cool. I haven't tested it out yet, but the coolest concept to me is a thermostat that adjusts the temperature for my ideal sleep. (Not my roommate's, but I'm awake earlier than her anyway.)

We look at all that technology has enabled us to do, and it's pretty easy to think how advanced we are as a society. We're so connected! It's so easy to get another person if we just log onto Facebook or Instagram or Twitter or have Siri send someone a text message for us.

Except.

Studies have shown that social media and technology are not making our lives better, but potentially worse. Just do a google search for "Facebook is making us miserable", and you'll find reputable articles from sources such as Harvard Business Review, Fast Company and the New Yorker. Social media has all sorts of pitfalls, including the challenges of comparison (compounded by curation, which I already blogged about), and the fact that it's always available, from any device. (Well, except that if you refuse to download Messenger, you can ironically not actually send and receive private messages anywhere other than your personal computer.)

Technology has also expanded our ability for instant gratification. Want something? From the comfort of your home, you can order it and get it in 2 days or less. Alexa even allows you to order a pizza with your voice, from your couch. (Though you'd have to get up to answer the door.)

Both of these things - social media and instant gratification - have had a profound impact on our relationships. It used to be that overseas friendships required handwritten letters traveling weeks across the ocean. Now I can open Whatsapp and type out a quick text to keep in touch with friends in Kenya, Germany and the UK.

Some might argue that these advances are great, and I won't argue that I love that I can FaceTime with my friend from Argentina and it's almost as if we're sitting together in my living room. But I also remember the depth of relationship and myself that I used to pour into the letters I wrote to my sister when she lived in a castle in England and could only afford a few minutes a week on the communal pay phone.

Relationships, of all kinds, take time.  We've reduced the most intimate of relationships to a single swipe on Tinder. We've reduced remembering birthdays and special occasions to getting reminders and copying and pasting a birthday message to someone's Facebook wall. When we face challenges or have moments of joy, we just start texting until someone responds. And when we text, while we know that no one is just sitting on the couch waiting to have a meaningful conversation, we still feel somewhat hurt when our messages aren't quickly responded to.

One of the biggest fights I have in being single is against the loneliness. I know that loneliness presents itself in marriage and isn't inevitable in singleness, but it is a battle. In a city where there is constant transience, where everyone is busy, where some friends live a good 40-minute trek away, it can be easy to stop working at relationships and get lonely. On the one hand, I have everyone I've ever met just a few buttons away. On the other hand, meaningful relationships require time and face-to-face interaction.

So how do we fight all the impulses inherent in our "advanced" civilization?

• Love through the good times and the hard times. Rejoice in the wins of your friends. Be there with them when it's uncomfortable, when you disagree and when they're hurting and you have nothing to say. I find in myself an impulse to just gracefully ease out of awkward situations, but community is built when we continue to engage.
• Be patient. I have a good friend who has become a better and better friend over time. We didn't click necessarily at first, but we've been faithful about continuing to schedule time together and we've slowly started opening up more over time, and now I am so encouraged by our dinners together. True relationships take time. Sometimes an instant connection doesn't mean a lasting relationship. Sometimes an initial struggle to keep the conversation going doesn't mean things will get real over time.
• Be physically present. This one is hard, but so important. Text messages can be misconstrued. Sometimes the full depth of what you're feeling can't be conveyed. Take the time to sit down with others and have real conversations. This can be hard if you live in a city where everyone's busy and geographically spread out, but make it a priority.

What else? I have this nailed in no way at all and would love to hear how other people develop meaningful relationships.