Delighted In

"So ease up, but also walk in this. He delights in you. Not a better version of you... you. Right now you're sons and daughters. When my son stumbles about, I don't just lose my mind over that. If you think about all of the little pictures... Remember when kids start to walk? They only take like two steps and then fall down, but don't you just freak out and act like they won the Olympics?"
- Matt Chandler, Recovering Redemption; The Result: Justification, Sanctification and Adoption

It's taken me a long time to write this post. For a long while, I have thought that I was alone in my fears of being not good enough, not lovely enough, not skinny enough, not bubbly enough to ever warrant finding a husband... or a boyfriend... or even a second date. If I'm truly honest, there have been relationships that I have stayed away from because I thought that if he got to know me, that I would disappoint him and couldn't meet his expectations.

I think, though, that it's possible that I am not the only one who feels this way. From listening to a podcast with Brene Brown to opening up to trusted friends to reading multiple books, it seems that "the negative radio inside the head" may be more universal than I thought. If you also struggle with this, read on...

Listen to me, dear brothers and sisters in Christ: you are dearly loved and delighted in.

Chances are, you've heard the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15). But stop and savor the end of the story. The son is walking home, dejected. He is ready to beg his father to simply make him a servant in his home.

The father sees him coming from a long way off. Wait. Why does the father see him from a long way off? Was he watching for the son to come home?

The father abandons all decorum and picks up his robe and runs to the son. And then he throws a big party!

This is the picture of God's love for us. This is how much you're delighted in.

Okay, so that's great, but I've been singing "Jesus Loves Me" since I was 4 and it still hasn't sunk in. And just because God loves me, doesn't mean that a spouse would ever delight in me.

So, a few thoughts... but all with the caveat that I am not so much an expert as a fellow sojourner along the way.

1. Really, truly understanding that God delights in us frees us up from needing to find that from someone else. We are free to pursue relationships because they bring glory to God and not to fill the need to be delighted in.
2. There is no man in the world who's got remotely anything on God. If God delights in me, there's no man who's too good for me. Not every man will be interested in me, but it's not because I'm not good enough... it's because God has another plan. Oh, and by the way, God promises that he "works all things for the good of those who love him and are called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28), so you can trust that plan.

I know. That's still not enough. Here are a few things that I've been doing to let those things really take root:

• Stop the negative self talk. If you're anything like me, you might just have a voice in your head that is rooting for your failure. You smile at a man, and the voice says "careful, he'll never like you." You have a great conversation, and the voice says "you've seen how this worked out in the past. It never ends well." You have to silence that voice and refuse to listen to it. "Take captive every thought to obey Christ." (2 Corinthians 10:5)
• Meditate on the truth of who you are and how much you are delighted in. My company started getting obsessed with mindfulness and meditation as a part of their wellness program, so I decided to do some research on what meditation looks like as part of the Christian context and the biblical mandate. What I found is that meditation involves memorizing portions of Scripture, and then "chewing" on them. Recite the words in your head, go through each verse and emphasize different words and phrases. Repeat and savor the phrases that are especially meaningful to you. Some passages that especially speak to how much we are loved: Romans 8, Psalm 139, 1 John 3:1-3.

Paul prays in Ephesians 3:16-21 that we will "know this love that surpasses knowledge". Give yourself grace. The process of sanctification and understanding our adoption as children of God is a lifelong process.